29 Sep 2012

Live from Seattle

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This post is dedicated to my friend Eric.

This year is truly a year of “firsts.” Last night I went out with an Asian guy for the first time — a true Asian, not like me! His name is Ben and he’s a journalist, which made conversation easy (I had so many questions). He is also well traveled, so we exchanged stories from places we both had visited. I only intended to have one drink, but three hours later (and maybe a few drinks later), we finally parted ways. Ben is interesting, attentive and an all around nice guy (2 for 2)!

However, there was a lack of chemistry. He’s definitely someone I’d like to hang out with as a friend. At the end of the night he asked if I wanted to go out again and I said “yes,” but I don’t think he meant as friends. So I might have to have “the talk” at some point, but not worrying about it now.

I’m happy things have gone so well so far — even though I know I’m only two dates in. I have two scheduled for this weekend that I’m excited about.

Keep your fingers crossed!

Julie in Seattle

 

28 Sep 2012

My first date!

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Since I’ve been on my own, there have been several milestones: buying a car, adopting cats, selling the house, setting up a new place and now dating!

My first date was Tuesday evening. After all of this talking about dating (and yes, I know I’ve been a big talker),  I was finally going on one. To say I was nervous would be the understatement of the decade. I hardly ate and felt nauseous all day. I worried that it would be extremely awkward, that I would blurt out something crazy about my ex or divulge too much info about myself (e.g., I haven’t been on a date in 13 years)!  I seriously considered canceling.

However, a few things eased my mind, and/or motivated me:

1. I exchanged phone numbers with my date, AJ, which led to a series of texts. Although texting a stranger was completely foreign, it proved to be a great icebreaker.

2. I had a hard stop. I was meeting friends for a birthday dinner — so there were only 45 minutes between events.

3. I’d have nothing to blog about and that, would disappoint my enormous readership. And I cannot afford to lose any fans!

So I met AJ at a Capitol Hill bar and here’s what happened: he smiled, talked, laughed and bought me drinks. Pretty uneventful…as far as first dates go, it was quite painless. He was truly a decent, nice guy.

Now here are a few interesting tidbits…I asked a lot of questions and he shared quite a bit of information. However, he asked me very few questions, which I didn’t mind since I was so anxious. Also, AJ and I have nothing in common. For example he’s from a small town (moved here recently), hasn’t traveled outside of the US, has older children and doesn’t watch TV. For those of you who know me, you know I’m quite active, but I love entertainment! So the last part was incomprehensible : )

I could tell that he liked me and received confirmation when he texted soon afterward to ask if I’d like to get together again. Even though he’s a good person, I don’t know if we even have enough in common to even be friends. I don’t want to hurt his feelings, but also don’t want to lead him on.

Any advice?

Overall, I have to say that my first date was a good one. One down and many, many more to go!

Julie in Seattle

 

 

 

 

 

24 Sep 2012

My Match profile

4 Comments General Dating Thoughts

I have an inferiority complex. I’ve been reading A LOT of profiles this week and boy, most of these guys can write — making mine look lame. So I might have to dig a bit deeper and reveal more of my true self. Or maybe I’m truly shallow — so I should just write what you see is what you get – although I was raised white – other than that, what you see is what you get.

I’ve attached two images — my Match profile and the images on my page. They can’t be too terrible, because I have received about a dozen inquiries and have three dates lined up this week. However, I’ve heard that new members get a lot of attention at first. So I may soon have to enhance my profile.

(click on image to see larger version)

Just to give you an example, here is the profile of one of the guys I hope to meet. Enjoy!

Hi. Born and raised in the NW I am quite content to call [West] Seattle my home as long as the occasional trip south is never too far away. When the sun does decide to show itself, I try and stay fairly active enjoying an occasional run, visiting the gym 2-3 times a week, golfing, hiking, riding the bike, and snow skiing. I also enjoy working with my hands and have done quite a bit of remodeling on my 1918 house in West Seattle. I travel whenever possible and my most recent adventure had me driving through Scotland, taking in all of the beautiful scenery while trying not to crash into anything… especially the sheep!

As to my partner in crime? If you’re a serial dater, or you still feel the need to go through a lot of trial and error, then I’m probably not your ideal match. You should probably be someone who welcomes the idea of international travel and tries to maintain at least a moderately healthy lifestyle. Pursuing your passions, whether professionally or as a hobby, is also very important. It doesn’t matter what they are, but in this fast-paced, out-of-touch, electronic world, it’s nice to be reminded of what it means to live life from the heart.

The feeling of being connected to someone through mutual beliefs, interests, and activities I believe plays an important role in the success couples enjoy over the long term.That said, I also believe it’s important to share a lot of “firsts” so having a sense of adventure and a willingness to try new things definitely supports a healthy balance. Feeling comfortable in your own skin, and not being afraid to express your authentic self is very important to me as well–no room for closet personalities here. I want to get to know the REAL you… your deepest fears… your greatest joys… your amazing talents (we all have something)… your biggest dreams, etc.

Enjoying a good laugh as a reminder that life is a journey and not a destination also keeps things in perspective.Though we’ve all heard it before, my experiences both in and out of relationships have led me to conclude that being best friends with someone is extremely important which is why, at this point in my life, I feel I have come to appreciate more the moments that tend to bring two people closer together.

I feel blessed that my parents have been married for over 40 years and have been great role models. Despite a marriage gone bad 11 years ago that only lasted for one year, I still hope to be able to follow in their footsteps. -Cheers

 

19 Sep 2012

Here I go … again

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After a 13 year hiatus from the dating world, I’m about to reenter it.

In case there’s a reader who doesn’t know me, I’m recently single — after a 13 year relationship (8 years of marriage). And just like everyone else in my shoes, I didn’t think I’d ever date again — but here I am.

And since I’m here, I might as well as make the most of it. With my 40th birthday just around the corner, I’ve been inspired by the milestone. While brainstorming blog themes with my friend Mai on a drive to Lake Louise, I came up with the idea of “fortyfirstdates.” The goal is as simple as the domain name: go on 40 first dates and perfect my dating skills!

What happens if I like someone and want to go out with him again? Then I’ll go out on a second date and will probably blog about it — but it won’t count toward the 40.

Will I use real names? No. I will disguise names to protect the innocent, and even the not so innocent. The only exception is if I find out they are married, but “forget” to disclose their current status. Then I’ll happily publish their names.

Other than that, I don’t know what to expect! But I’m feeling ready-ish.

I couldn’t have made it this far without the help of a few talented friends: Chris created the stylish logo, which I heart; Hope helped write and edit my entries for my Match profile (I enjoyed shocking her with my very low standards) and Mai took flattering photos and created this blog. Jean, Allison, Susan and many others have been extremely supportive, enabling me to take baby steps forward. It takes a village, right?

Let the dating begin!
Julie in Seattle